‘The Tortured Poets Department’ Review: We Usually Love Taylor Swift, But We Question Her Decision To Release An Album That’s Just An Hour-Long Recording Of Her Sobbing In The Shower

Don’t get us wrong, we usually love Taylor Swift, but her decision to release an hour-long recording of herself sobbing in the shower and call it an album is certainly a bold choice.

Taylor, are you okay?

The Tortured Poets Department is Taylor Swift’s eleventh studio album and the first of her albums to be one extended recording of the sound of uncontrollable weeping in the shower. That’s literally it. Like, she took an audio recording device into the shower and recorded herself sobbing for over an hour. And then it ends.

The album instills in the listener an overwhelming sense of dread, which is only broken up by a brief jingle about soap as Swift recites the lyrics to the Zest soap commercial, presumably inspired by the Zest shampoo bottle she’s holding.

A little later the monotony is broken up by the clattering sound of what seems to be a shampoo bottle being dropped on the ground accidentally. The album ends with a squeaky sound of shower knobs turning off and a few parting sniffles.

The special edition of the album is a must-buy for Swift fans, as it has several tracks of her sobbing in different locations such as her car, her studio, and the lavatory of her private jet.

It is unclear what the 8-time recipient of the Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Award ultimately intended with her album, but if it was to prove to the world that she is, in fact, a “Tortured Poet,” then mission accomplished.

The album has sold well among users looking for white noise to drown out their tinnitus.

Rating: 1 (out of a possible 5)

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.

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Babylon Bee