‘Let’s Set Aside Distractions,’ Says Worship Leader Surrounded By Lasers And Fog

REDDING, CA — In typical reverent fashion, Axl Mustaine led the congregation of LifeSource in the City Revivalpoint megachurch into a time of worship by reminding them to set aside all distractions even as the entire sanctuary was filled with an all-enveloping heavy fog and bombarded by intense laser lights.

“Let’s set aside all distractions, fam,” said Axl as green and red laser beams flashed and swooped over the stage and the audience. “Don’t pay attention to the person next to you or this fog filling our lungs or even these eye-piercing lasers moving and pulsating all over the place!”

“Just remember we are only here to worship the King,” reminded Axl before he began another epic guitar solo.

“In order to be attractive to the world, we have to be like the world, I have to look just like Bono during a concert in Europe in 1992,” said Axl after the service. “Lights, cameras, projectors, jumbo screens, haze machines, and lasers — these are all tools for the glory of God and we use them to entertain the crowd long enough so that they listen to our pastor’s message. It’s all for God. Definitely not just to look cool or anything.”

At publishing time, Axl had put in a request that the backstage production crew set all the haze machines and laser lights to 11 for next week’s worship service.

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