Tesla Fans Explain Why Elon Musk Deserves $56 Billion Payout

“If the inventor of the automobile doesn’t deserve $56 billion, who does?”

“Treatments for whatever makes him like that are probably pretty expensive.”

“I’m not sure why he deserves it, but my Neuralink implant is telling me to keep killing until he gets it.”

“Ignoring, verbally abusing, and publicly disowning his 10 kids is more expensive than you think.”

“He can use it to buy clothes that fit.”

“If we don’t give him $56 billion, how is he supposed to waste $56 billion?”

“Otherwise he may hold a grudge against the state of Delaware and miss out on our many scenic bike trails and tax-free shopping excursions.”

“It’s gotta be agonizing only having $175 billion in the bank. What if he has a medical emergency? What if he gets laid off?”

“Whatever makes him shut up for a little while.”

“After child support, he’d still have, like, $20 to spend on something fun.”

“Who else are you going to give all that money to? The workers?”

“He just seems so sad in all the pictures. Maybe this will cheer him up?”

“I’m pretty sure his birthday is coming up soon.”

“The price of ketamine has gone up a lot recently.”

“The sooner he gets that $56 billion, the sooner he can die on an ill-fated trip to Mars.”

“I want to see him withdraw that much money in cash, light it on fire with his flamethrower, and yell, ‘Booya!’”

“More child support for me!”

“Look, if you’re stuck talking to a coked-out Elon, you’d pay anything to leave the conversation.”

“His last $56 billion was in one of those autopiloted Teslas that drove itself off the road.”