Walmart Baby Registry Questionnaire Includes Checkbox For Whether Or Not Pregnancy Forced

BENTONVILLE, AR—Adapting the retail outlet’s previously simple sign-up questionnaires to the modern world, Walmart announced Monday that its baby registry would now include a checkbox for denoting whether or not the pregnancy was forced. “We heard from many Walmart customers that it would be convenient to have a registry option for parents-to-be who were forced into having a baby by their state government, as this would be easier than having to explain the situation at the shower,” said Walmart.com representative Noreen Davis, adding that the site’s recommended-products algorithm would also be tailored to fall more in line with the somber tone of a court-mandated birth. “Parents who have been legally ordered to carry a nonviable fetus to term because they are pawns of American politics, for instance, may be more interested in crowdfunded donations to cover their legal fees than in one of our many fabulous learning toys for tots. Similarly, when shower guests click through to a forced-birth page, they’ll be able to see the horrifying circumstances in which the baby was conceived, as well as whether or not the parent remains at risk of going to jail for seeking termination.” At press time, Walmart announced that because of the overwhelming number of users who selected it, the forced-birth option would now be the default for all baby and wedding registries.