Harvard Demolishes Library Covered In Human Skin

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Conceding that the ethical dilemmas raised by holding onto such an artifact had proven too great, Harvard University announced Wednesday the demolition of Houghton Library, an edifice covered in tanned human skin. “After careful consideration and consultation with experts in the field, the administration concluded we could no longer stand behind the nonconsensual use of medical cadavers to produce this historic library’s facade,” the Harvard Steering Committee wrote in its statement on the matter, adding that it did not meet the school’s standards to hold onto a building made from nearly 10,000 human bodies. “Even taking into consideration the commonality of this practice years ago, there’s simply no way to uphold our moral code while touting this flesh-based library as a cornerstone of our campus. That’s particularly the case when you take into account the bookshelves made from human rib cages and the door handles constructed with embalmed human hands. We apologize and strive to do better in the future.” At press time, Brown University, the University of Pennsylvania, and the Library of Congress issued a joint statement rejecting Harvard’s decision and pledging to keep maintaining their own flesh-covered buildings for reasons of historical significance.