Women Explain Why They Are Attracted To Walton Goggins’ Character In ‘Fallout’
Recent reports have indicated that a number of female fans are thirsting over the Ghoul. The Onion asked women to explain why they are attracted to Walton Goggins’ mutant character in the new TV series Fallout, and this is what they said.
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Mercedes McLane, Unemployed
Mercedes McLane, Unemployed
“He looks like he has low standards.”
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Alexis Griffin, Biochemist
Alexis Griffin, Biochemist
“I have a thing for men in advanced stages of physical deterioration.”
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Loretta Poole, Retired
Loretta Poole, Retired
“He reminds me of a young Ronald Reagan.”
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Ava Carter, Lawyer
Ava Carter, Lawyer
“Lonely…”
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Teresa Parman, Physical Anthropologist
Teresa Parman, Physical Anthropologist
“Oh, like you’ve never wanted to fuck a sentient corpse.”
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Sonya Koch, Landscape Designer
Sonya Koch, Landscape Designer
“He may be a quasi-deceased bounty hunter, but at least he has a steady job.”
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Nina Zeller, Data Scientist
Nina Zeller, Data Scientist
“Saying I’m attracted to the Ghoul is a good way to annoy my boyfriend enough to turn off the show and let me watch whatever I want.”
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Whitney Estes, Lawyer
Whitney Estes, Lawyer
“I feel like I could fix him.”
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Harper Young, Financial Analyst
Harper Young, Financial Analyst
“He might be a hardass on the outside, but you can tell that deep down below his hardened exterior, he’s an undead cannibal without a heart.”
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Hope Austin, Dog Groomer
Hope Austin, Dog Groomer
“The radiation exposure probably made him infertile, so I’d never have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy.”
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Julie Winchester, Math Teacher
Julie Winchester, Math Teacher
“It’s easier to lust after existing IP than it is to invent my own original disgusting sexual fantasies.”
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Emily Parker, Pediatrician
Emily Parker, Pediatrician
“There’s just something so sexy about being eaten alive by a deranged psychopath.”
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Jessica Hamilton, Marketing Executive
Jessica Hamilton, Marketing Executive
“The work I’ve had done on my face has also turned me into a monster.”
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Joelle Scott, Bartender
Joelle Scott, Bartender
“Have you met the single men in my town?”
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Casey Levy, Attorney
Casey Levy, Attorney
“We both enjoy stabbing dogs.”
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Holly Thomas, Medical Student
Holly Thomas, Medical Student
“He’s like a more cultured, suave Freddy Krueger.”
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Sophia Bennett, Marketing Manager
Sophia Bennett, Marketing Manager
“He looked directly at me midway through episode five and said, ‘I love you—come join me in my television world!’ then extended a hand through the screen. I did, and it’s been great!”
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Rachel Lopez, Librarian
Rachel Lopez, Librarian
“Switch out the cowboy hat for a flat bill and he’s a 10 out of 10.”
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Jaclyn Roofner, Cardiologist
Jaclyn Roofner, Cardiologist
“I’d love to scream out ‘the Ghoul!’ in bed.”
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Antonia Salazar, Copywriter
Antonia Salazar, Copywriter
“Amazon throws to a commercial every time I try to masturbate to him, which always leaves me wanting more.”
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Christina Yates, Graphic Designer
Christina Yates, Graphic Designer
“I feel like I need to date several post-apocalyptic cannibals before I settle down with the right humanoid zombie man.”
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Maya Reid, Teacher
Maya Reid, Teacher
“He’s like a handsome version of Walton Goggins.”
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Joanna Gold, Pharmacist
Joanna Gold, Pharmacist
“I assume that when he cums, his penis shoots out a cloud of spiders.”
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You’ve Made It This Far…
You’ve Made It This Far…
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