NEW YORK, NY — In a dramatic entrance that left onlookers both baffled and concerned for their immediate safety, Congresswoman Ilhan Omar descended from the skies above the Columbia University campus via paraglider, ready to lead the charge in the latest round of protests.
“Sometimes, you’ve got to glide right into the heart of the action and take the first shot,” said Omar, removing her parachute straps as she surveyed the gathering crowd. “I’m here as extra ammunition for these students in our fight against oppression.”
Though many condemned Omar’s entrance as showing support for Hamas committing mass murder and rape, the Congresswoman remained undeterred. “Change doesn’t happen from the sidelines, my friends,” shouted Omar to the crowd of protesters. “You’ve got to get out there and tell President Biden: do NOT bring our hostages home! As my good friend Khymani James standing here beside me said, ‘Zionists do not deserve to live’. Intifada Revolution! Ceasefire now! From the river to the sea!”
At publishing time, Ilhan Omar was spotted teaching the students how to make Molotov cocktails outside the university’s Institute for Israel and Jewish Studies.
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