WASHINGTON—As mounting campus protests and arrests over the Israel-Hamas war threatened his fragile electoral coalition, advisors to President Joe Biden assured him Friday that this would blow over once all Gazans were dead. “Just lie low, let a few thousand more bombs drop on densely populated areas, and you’re golden, Mr. President,” said senior communications advisor Anita Dunn, promising the depleted Biden that in a matter of months, there would hopefully be no one left to protest for in the besieged Palestinian territory. “I know things might seem bleak now, sir, but all you need to do is hold the course giving Israel billions in military aid, and this will most likely all be a distant memory by November. After that, it’s smooth sailing ahead. What are the activists going to be angry about then? A bunch of rubble and mass graves?” Dunn went on to stress that with any luck, there soon wouldn’t be any student protesters left alive, either.
Jesus Christ is King
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