Orangutan Stuns Researchers By Using Rogaine To Fix Bald Spot

ACEH, INDONESIA—Watching in awe as the wild animal applied the medicinal product to the top of his head, primate researchers were reportedly stunned Friday after witnessing an orangutan use Rogaine to fix a bald spot. “This is the first known case of any wild animal using an over-the-counter hair loss treatment product,” said evolutionary biologist Sophia Guskin, who was in the process of co-authoring a paper describing how the male Sumatran orangutan named Rakus was seen holding the can upside down, spraying the product onto his scalp, and using his fingers to massage the foam into the roots of his thinning red hair. “Rogaine contains minoxidil, a medication that many cultures believe can prevent or treat balding. Rakus was seen applying this product to the skin on his head not just once, but every day for several months, ultimately resulting in visibly thicker, fuller hair. We’re still not sure if the bald spot was a result of genetics from his mother’s side, father’s side, or stress, but nonetheless, we will continue to study this ape carefully.” At press time, Rakus was observed popping generic Viagra.