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QUEEN’S PARK – During a press conference at the Ontario Legislature, Doug Ford made it clear that pro-Palestine encampments in universities across the province were unacceptable and shouldn’t be tolerated, after accidentally mistaking the encampment tents for affordable housing units.
“Listen, folks, I am just not in favour of these young, tax paying citizens of Ontario having access to cheap, accessible housing, especially on expensive university lawns that could be better used for building lucrative single family mansions,” the premiere stated, immediately after signing a deal to turn Algonquin Provincial Park into a casino. “They’re out there yelling all day and night, I assume about rent prices and avocados, and I just can’t have that.”
Ford was seen a few minutes later inside the University of Toronto’s encampment, asking protesters who gave them the permits to build their affordable houses on city property.
One protest organizer recalled encountering Ford. “The Premier looked at my FREE PALESTINE sign and said ‘What’s Palestine, another word for fourplex?’” said Krista Chan, of U of T. “Then he started hunting around for Justin Trudeau, because he was convinced that the Prime Minister had somehow gone behind his back and given us funding for our tents.”
“There’s some nasty stuff going on in these new fabric-based housing complexes,” Premier Ford insisted, shortly after being kicked out of the encampment for trying to tear down the tents with his bare hands. “Everyone seems full of hope and determination, which are qualities that young people in Ontario just shouldn’t have towards housing.”
“At the end of the day, the only person who should be building new affordable units is me, and frankly I just don’t wanna,” Ford insisted. “So let’s evict these lazy bums and get shovels in the ground: King’s College Circle is about to become my new summer cottage.”
At press time, Ford had just tweeted, “‘From the river to the sea?’ More like ‘Ontario’s housing will never be free.’”
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