CHICAGO—Dismissing concerns that funds were being mismanaged, the Chicago Police Department vigorously defended its decision this week to buy an entire fleet of 1967 Ferraris. “We will use these babies to keep the community safe, and we will look badass while doing so,” said Chicago Police Superintendent Larry Snelling, who was facing steep criticism for the department’s decision to spend nearly one-third of its $2 billion annual budget on a fleet of 300 1967 Ferrari 275 GTB/4s. “To those who accuse us of spending extravagantly, I say to you: 300-horsepower, V-12 engine. There’s nothing wasteful about one of the most gorgeous vehicles of all time. Plus, these patrol cars are absolutely imperative for impressing our lady friends.” At press time, every member of the police department had reportedly totaled their Ferrari after driving into a tree.
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