The seal of confession officially prohibits priests from disclosing what they learn while hearing a confession, but according to an ancient church rule, if you guess correctly they have to tell you.
Using that ancient rule, we tricked a priest into telling us the weirdest sins people have confessed to him:
- “I watch YouTube videos all the time but I never ‘like’ or ‘subscribe.'”
- “I never once used my air fryer even though I told my husband I’d use it all the time.”
- “I once murdered two people and totally got away with it and then had the gall to write a book titled If I Did It.”
- “I kissed my sister, but I didn’t know she was my sister at the time though, I thought she was a hot space princess.”
- “I invented Labradoodles.”
- “I once published an account or description of an NFL game without express written consent.”
- “I ran the water in a public restroom sink to pretend I was washing my hands.”
- “I lied about my uncle crashing on an island and being eaten by cannibals.”
- “I say I’m a big Lord of the Rings fan even though I’ve only ever watched the movies and never read the books.”
- “Sometimes I roll myself up like a burrito and pretend to be a sandworm.”
- “I said ‘hola!’ to a dark-skinned man who turned out to be Indian.”
- “I nailed the 95 Theses to a church door eventually leading to Steven Furtick being a pastor.”
Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.
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Babylon Bee
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