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DENVER—Finding it an adequate substitute for the alcohol she used to consume during an evening of social drinking, local woman Candice Cooper told reporters Thursday that an $18 mocktail helped her satisfy the craving she still had to waste money. “It’s nice to have a drink that gives me that same experience of draining my bank account without having to get drunk,” said Cooper, 39, who sat at a bar in Denver’s South Broadway neighborhood sipping a 6-ounce nonalcoholic apéritif that consisted almost entirely of fruit juice but still allowed her to partake in the ritual of squandering, with tax and tip, well over $20 on a beverage. “I can’t drink booze the way I could when I was younger, and it’s such a drag to stop in at a bar and only be able to spend $2.50 on a Diet Coke. Now I don’t have to settle when I go out for drinks with friends—I can blow my paycheck just like everyone else!” At press time, Cooper had declined to give money to a panhandler outside the bar, saying the man would probably just spend it all on artisanal ginger beer or virgin cucumber gimlets.
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