Florida’s Near-Total Abortion Ban By The Numbers

Florida has passed a restrictive law that bans abortions after six weeks from a woman’s last menstrual period, before most women know they are pregnant. The Onion breaks down the numbers behind the state’s war on reproductive rights.

• 0: Number of unwanted babies who will be adopted by the people who pushed for the ban.
• 1: Ultrasound tech from Daytona who really needs a vacation.
• 545-683-9177: Hey, it’s Janet from a few weeks ago. We need to talk.
• 16: Number of podcast episodes to queue up for the drive to Virginia.
• 350,000: Feet of unwanted umbilical cord to be produced each year by women unable to terminate pregnancies.
• 1: Brilliant marketing opportunity for Carnival Cruises to offer abortions under maritime law.
• 0: Percentage increase in condom sales.
• 6: Weeks to get to Georgia before they close the border