WASHINGTON, D.C. — A local tapeworm was shocked and disgusted to find himself residing within the brain of a Washington politician, according to sources.
“I’m horrified. I didn’t ask for this,” said the Taenia Solium brain-eating worm in a statement given through a worm translator. “I was living happily in an expired pork chop at Whole Foods, and suddenly I woke up in the skull of one of the most repulsive creatures known to man. This is the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me since I passed through the intestines of a pig and was expelled only to be eaten by another pig.”
“Get me out of here!”
Experts say this is just the latest case in what seems to be a growing epidemic of politicians being infested with brain worms.
“For years we’ve been looking for a scientific explanation for the corruption, stupidity, arrogance, foolishness, shortsightedness, irresponsibility, cowardice, laziness, narcissism, deceitfulness, selfishness, greed, hypocrisy, sleaziness, compulsiveness, fanaticism, hostility, disloyalty, cruelty, and callousness of politicians in Washington,” said one microbiologist. “It also explains their stupidity. Did I already say ‘stupidity?'”
Political consultants have recommended politicians stop eating rare steak and sushi until the epidemic subsides.
The politician currently acting as the host for the brain worm asked to remain unidentified.
A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report.
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