Hot on the heels of the news of Peter Jackson’s return to produce more installments of the beloved franchise, Warner Bros. has announced even more Lord of the Rings content set to go into production. As loyal fans, it is important that we greedily lap up every bit of content related to Lord of the Rings without question.
The Babylon Bee has obtained the following list of Lord of the Rings films being produced by Warner Bros. that you never knew you wanted!
- How to Train Your Smaug – This sweet animated tale features a young hero coming of age as he faces his fears and learns how to train an enormous, fire-breathing dragon to destroy entire regions of Middle-earth.
- The Battle of the Five Armies: Infinity War – If you thought the original depiction of the Battle of the Five Armies was epic, just wait until you see what happens when the Avengers arrive on the scene through a multiverse portal.
- Brokeback Mount Doom – A tender romance between two star-crossed orcs under the shadow of the watchful eye.
- Batman Vs. Superman Vs. Legolas – An epic battle between Middle Earth’s mightiest heroes gets complicated when they all discover the real name of Legolas’ mother is “Martha.” MARTHA!
- Madea Comes to Middle-Earth – The heroes of Middle-earth may have thought Sauron was the greatest threat they would ever endure, but nothing could prepare them for facing off with Tyler Perry’s sassy black grandma. Go on, girl!
- There’s Something About Merry – This raunchy, slapstick comedy will have you in stitches as Merry and Pippin engage in a game of oneupmanship, with both vying for the love of the same hobbit girl.
- Orcnado – It’s a deadly tornado – made of ORCS! And Legolas has a chainsaw arm.
- The Silmarillion: The Musical – Though even some Tolkien fans struggle to get through this book, no one will have trouble making it through this show-tune-filled extravaganza starring Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron.
- Uruk Hai School Musical – A sweet coming-of-age musical set in the Tower of Orthanc. Also starring Zac Efron.
- My Big Fat Gondolorian Wedding – Who hasn’t felt like a fish out of water when meeting your fiance’s family? This hilarious romantic comedy follows a man from Dale marrying into a loud, boisterous Gondolorian family.
- The Ent Wives Pass the Bechdel Test – Treat yourselves to 3 hours of the missing Ent Wives, who don’t need a man, talking about other stuff besides Ent men. Empowering!
- Dances with Wargs – This cinematic love letter to the beauty of the Middle-earth landscape tells the tale of a former Rider of Rohan who retires to live among the last tribe of indigenous Mannish people.
- Weekend at Bilbo’s – This zany comedy follows Frodo, Merry, and Pippin as they try to make it through a weekend party at Bag End without anyone finding out they’re dragging around Bilbo’s corpse.
- The Hobbit: Queer and Black Again – Perhaps the crowning achievement of Warner Bros.’ lineup, this epic tale reimagines The Hobbit as an inspiring story of a gay, black Bilbo overcoming prejudice and spreading pride throughout Middle-earth.
So many different takes on territory that was inexplicably never covered by Tolkien. And, if the films listed above aren’t enough, just wait until you feast your eyes on a full reboot of the original Lord of the Rings trilogy — this time with an all-female cast!
Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.