Bar Breathes Collective Sigh Of Relief As Drunk Guy With Obnoxious Laugh Gets Really Invested In His Phone

CHICAGO—Wincing each time the loud, unnerving cackle echoed throughout the room, every patron at local bar Red Finch was heard to breathe a simultaneous sigh of relief Friday after a drunk guy with an obnoxious laugh got interested in his phone. “Oh, thank God, he’s finally distracted—maybe now we can have a conversation without being interrupted,” said customer Rick Franz, adding that the tension had quickly built up since the loud, oblivious man and his friends entered the bar and proceeded to continually interrupt every conversation in the establishment with his piercing shrieks. “Look, he just stuck his hand into his pocket, took out his phone, and started typing furiously. Wow, I can finally hear myself think now that I’m not hearing his laugh bounce off the walls every 30 seconds. Oh, this looks serious. Hopefully that shuts him up for the next 10 to 15 minutes.” At press time, patrons had let out a collective groan and begun filing out of the establishment after the man opened his phone, cued up a YouTube video at full volume, and began laughing even louder.