Diary Entry Reveals Luther Started Reformation Just Cause He Got Sick Of Filet o’ Fish Every Friday

WITTENBERG — A newly discovered diary from Martin Luther revealed that he launched the Reformation solely because he got sick of Friday fish fries.

“Another Friday, another filet-o-fish. I don’t know how much longer I can take it,” wrote Luther. “I literally had a nightmare last night about tartar sauce. Something has to give.”

The diary entries trace Luther’s psychological journey from mild fatigue with fish to launching a world-shattering reformation in order to escape another filet. “Spent the entire day today writing things I would rather eat instead of fish this Friday. Came up with ninety-five,” read another entry.

At publishing time, Martin Luther reportedly expressed deep regret at learning the movement he started had ultimately resulted in Steven Furtick becoming a pastor.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

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Babylon Bee