CLEARWATER, FL—Spitting out his medication and sticking out his tongue in apparent disgust, local man Rick Walton reportedly refused to take his boner pills Monday unless they were strawberry flavored. “No, no, no, I hate the blue pills—I want pink ones instead!” the red-faced 47-year-old said as he hid behind his king-sized bed, held his hand over his mouth, and made loud, exaggerated retching sounds whenever his wife attempted to hand him a pill. “Why don’t they make them in strawberry? The ones you get are so gross, and I can still taste it even when you grind it up and hide it in my pudding cup! Besides, you promised me when I took my bald pills that you would leave me alone and let me play Xbox. I hate you! I hate you so much!” At press time, Walton had been put in time-out after he flushed his boner pills down the toilet, called his wife a bitch, and said that once he turned 50, he was officially moving out forever.
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