Dole Salad Kits Now Include Framed Certificate Confirming Owner Has Eaten Salad

CHARLOTTE, NC—Offering its customers a way to commemorate their consumption of a healthy and fiber-rich meal, fruit and vegetable producer Dole announced Wednesday that its salad kits now included a framed certificate confirming the bearer of the document had eaten a salad. “By executive order of the Salad Institute of America, you are hereby recognized as the official eater of this Asian Chopped Salad,” reads one version of the certificate, which comes in an 8.5-by-11-inch cherrywood frame signed by Dole CEO Rory Byrne and is embossed with an official seal featuring a head of lettuce and the Latin phrase Comedi lactuca. “Congratulations on eating 10 ounces of cabbage and shredded carrots with sesame honey dressing. This document is valid in a court of law to prove your consumption herewith. Thank you, and good luck with your future endeavors in the world of salad.” At lunch time, the offices of notaries public across the country were reportedly filled with people who wanted to have their certificates witnessed and notarized as well.