Pros And Cons Of Restoring Confederate Names To Schools

A district in Virginia recently reversed its decision to change two schools’ names, reinstating their previous Confederate names on the grounds that it had been a hastily made decision in reaction to the Black Lives Matter movement. The Onion weighs the pros and cons for any schools considering a similar rebranding.

PRO: Everything was better for everyone when the school still had that name.
CON: No budget for new sign.
PRO: Important to face the legacy of America’s racist present.
CON: Dad won’t have as many things to bitch about.
PRO: Nice ring to John Wilkes Booth Elementary.
CON: Unclear why the south wants to memorialize losing the war so badly.
PRO: Kevin Spacey Middle School has arguably aged just as poorly.
CON: Getting tough on custodian’s knees to keep going up and down that ladder.
PRO: Grandpa’s directions to the Piggly Wiggly make sense again.
CON: Already printed diplomas.