DEI Programs: Myth Vs. Fact

Diversity, equity and inclusion, or DEI, programs have been under attack by conservatives who think that their efforts to assist historically marginalized groups come at the expense of the majority. However, there is substantial misinformation circulating about what DEI programs are meant to do. The Onion breaks down myths versus the facts.

MYTH: They promote unqualified people of color.
FACT: There are plenty of positions for unqualified people of all backgrounds.
MYTH: Colleges brainwash students into believing DEI programs are a good idea.
FACT: Colleges brainwash students into believing getting an MFA is a good idea.
MYTH: DEI programs unfairly tokenize people of color.
FACT: There are always a couple white bisexuals in the mix, too.
MYTH: ​D​EI s​tands for “diversity, equity, and inclusivity.”
FACT: It’s “diversity, equity, and inclusi​on,” you absolute fucking dolt.
MYTH: Companies waste money on time-consuming DEI initiatives.
FACT: Companies waste far more money on paid maternity leave, health benefits, and asbestos-free insulation.
MYTH: DEI is just a fad.
FACT: So was the “Macarena,” and just think of all the joy that brought to the world!
MYTH: DEI workplace policies help racial minorities network for longterm, productive careers.
FACT: DEI workplace polices can at best help racial minorities network with each other in preparation for the imminent race war.
MYTH: DEI initiatives will lead to a happy and harmonious workplace.
FACT: Only money will make your employees happy.