CEO Warns That No Student Involved In Protests Will Ever Be Hired At Genocide Inc.

NEW YORK—Responding to widespread pro-Palestinian demonstrations taking place at colleges across the country, CEO Ron Burgess issued a warning Tuesday that no student involved in the protests would ever be hired at Genocide Inc. “Given the lack of decency they have shown, Genocide Inc. has decided it will not be making job offers to any of these protesters when they graduate,” said Burgess, explaining that the stance taken by the students on the war in Gaza was antithetical to the corporate values of Genocide Inc. “I don’t care if they throw themselves at my feet and beg. Some of these kids say they believe in protecting the most vulnerable among us from ethnic cleansing. Well, if that’s the case, they are simply not cut out for a career working at Genocide.” Burgess added that he would, however, be interested in extending Genocide Inc. employment offers to particularly brutal riot cops.