THE HEAVENS—In an effort to determine the efficacy of a divine law that may one day join those in His current Decalogue, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Wednesday that He was testing out a potential new commandment on mice. “The phase 1 trial of this latest 11th-commandment candidate will be carried out with mice, and if it shows promise, it will later be tested on human and angel subjects,” said the Creator of All Things, explaining that the early-stage study on the experimental commandment would run for 12 weeks and would carefully track the mice’s levels of piety, meekness, and chastity. “A new commandment hasn’t been approved in over 3,000 years, and that’s because a rigorous design and development process is used to ensure any heavenly decree is safe and effective for all of creation. It’s important to screen for any side effects such as willfulness, a love of worldly things, or demonic possession. If all goes well, a human should be able to receive the commandment at our Mount Sinai facility by A.D. 2900.” At press time, celestial sources confirmed the new commandment trial had been halted early after several mice showed signs of wanting to usurp God’s supreme authority.
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