9 Insults From The Bible You Should Start Using Right Away

Brought to you by: RevelationMedia

Are you on the lookout for some new sick burns to unleash on your friends and enemies? Believe it or not, the Bible is actually a great source of insults. If you’re looking to slam someone with something that hasn’t been heard in thousands of years, God’s Word is the place to turn.

The Babylon Bee did the hard work for you and put together the following list of crushing insults drawn straight from the Bible that you should start using today:

1. “Go on up, you bald head!”: Perfect for the next time you see a follically challenged prophet walking nearby. You might want to bring your bear spray, just in case.
2. “My little finger is thicker than my father’s loins!”: Maybe more of an insult aimed at your dad, but a wicked insult nonetheless. Plus, it makes you sound pretty impressive.
3. “You brood of vipers!”: Used by Jesus Himself, this one can be used for just about anyone — especially legalistic religious leaders.
4. “You son of a perverted and rebellious woman!”: This one serves as a double-barreled insult to not only inflict sick burns on your target but his mom as well.
5. “Circumcize yoself!”: Even if it isn’t taken literally (ouch), This is the perfect response to anyone criticizing the legitimacy of your faith.
6. “Cashmeouside howbowdat?”: This can only be found in The Message version.
7. “You who are doomed to eat your own dung and drink your own urine!”: Gross.
8. “You blind fools! You can’t even see, AND you’re a fool!”: Another good one from Jesus, this one lets someone know they are a total idiot who has no eyesight.
9. “Perhaps your god is droppin’ a deuce?”: Haha! Get REKT, false prophets!

Don’t wait too long, go and start tossing ruthless burns on everyone around — while quoting scripture at the same time!

NOT SATIRE: Watch The Ark and the Darkness

Witness the evidence for the global flood in the riveting documentary The Ark and the Darkness: Unearthing the Mysteries of Noah’s Flood. The 4,000-year-old story of a universal flood is shared across cultures, but many people today take it to be a mere myth. Follow a group of scientists and scholars as they examine the overwhelming historical and archaeological evidence in favor of what the Bible has said all along: Noah’s flood actually happened. Click here to make a donation to RevelationMedia today to receive instant online access to The Ark and the Darkness along with a DVD copy of the film.

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee