College Student Visiting Friend Shocked To Discover Other Schools Have Tradition Where They Drink To Excess

PROVIDENCE, RI—While visiting a hometown friend at Brown University, college sophomore Caleb Martin was reportedly shocked Monday to discover that other schools have traditions where they drink to excess. “It’s as if they stole the idea directly from our own lineage at Tufts, right down to the whole concept of consuming alcoholic beverages to the point of inebriation, and then just claimed it was their own,” said the visibly stunned Martin, shaking his head in disbelief while listing off the eerie similarities to his own school’s cherished rituals of drinking a significant amount of cheap beer and hard liquor over the course of a weekend. “Yes, they drink Hamm’s here, whereas we tend to favor Keystone Light. But the fundamentals are really surprisingly similar. Ultimately, though, it seems like their tradition is just as ingrained as our own, and in fact might date back decades earlier. What an odd coincidence.” Martin added that thankfully his school would always be able to distinguish itself with its unique drinking game, which involved throwing ping-pong balls into red Solo cups.