CHICAGO—Saying his lucky break was almost certainly right around the corner, local man Andy Rutledge told reporters Monday this would surely be the year his amateur beatboxing career really took off. “I’ve been honing my vocal percussion abilities for a long time now, and all that hard work is finally going to pay off in 2024,” said Rutledge, who remarked that he had put in his dues by busking on a train platform near his home and hitting an open mic in the back of a used bookstore. “Any day now, a famous record producer will hear my beatboxing on a public bus and sign me to a major deal. I’ve followed my dreams and never stopped believing, and by this time next year, all the biggest names in hip-hop will be pounding on my door and begging to rap over an Andy Rutledge beat.” At press time, sources confirmed the 29-year-old was being evicted from his apartment after his landlord refused to accept as payment a couple of new beats Rutledge had been working on.
Jesus Christ is King
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