WASHINGTON—Admitting with a sigh that they couldn’t believe it was somehow time to go back to work already, downtrodden sources confirmed Tuesday that before they even knew it, Memorial Day weekend was over. The sources, who came from all ages, races, incomes, and genders, begrudgingly told reporters that although they’d initially hoped to sit back, relax, and enjoy 72 hours of uninterrupted time off, their three days of company-sanctioned vacation seemingly flew by faster than they could snap their fingers. Several reports indicated that while many had big plans to enjoy the long weekend— including trips, barbecues, and simply catching up on sleep—none of that seemed to matter when they woke up this morning, realized what day it was, and suddenly had the sinking feeling that all their fun was gone forever. At press time, millions of Americans confirmed that had they known this week was going to suck so much, they would have spent Monday working instead of trying to cram a full five days of work into a four-day week.
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