New York Prosecutor Says Nobody In America Is Above The Law He Made Up To Convict Them

NEW YORK, NY — Following the guilty verdict handed down against former President Donald Trump, New York Prosecutor Alvin Bragg used the case to issue a stern warning that nobody in America is above the law he made up to convict Trump.

Bragg’s sobering statement came after he and his prosecution team successfully manufactured a case to convict Trump of a crime that remains unidentifiable by legal experts and served as a clear example of what will happen to other Americans if they brazenly run afoul of laws he makes up in the future.

“This is a nation of laws, and I’m the one who makes them up,” Bragg said in a celebratory press conference following the Trump conviction. “Every American should think twice before violating the laws that I haven’t made up yet, because once I make them up, they’ll be held accountable for breaking the new laws they didn’t know existed until I came up with them.”

The case against Trump, which was unprecedented because Bragg hadn’t yet made up the charges, sets a new bar to which all Americans must hold themselves. “Chances are, you’re in violation of something,” Bragg warned. “I don’t know what law you’re violating yet, exactly, but once I come up with what you’ve done wrong, you can be sure that you will all face the consequences.”

At publishing time, Bragg was reportedly working closely with the Justice Department to compile a list of Trump supporters so that they could begin work on making up crimes for which they could be prosecuted and convicted.

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Babylon Bee