ATLANTA—Several years after ceasing donations to anti-LGBT organizations and taking steps to unravel the culture of homophobia rampant in its restaurants, Chick-fil-A joined fellow brands in celebrating Pride Month on Monday, admitting that it sometimes enjoyed prostate stimulation. “While we can’t go so far as to say we support the LGBT community, we do understand the impulse, on occasion, to insert something back there for pleasure,” read a press release from the company, which repeatedly stressed that it only partook in such activity “as a special treat now and then” and did not engage in it all the time. “It’s not like we’re seeking it out or anything—far from it. But sometimes, in the heat of the moment, you try something new and realize, ‘Hey, that feels pretty good.’ So we 100% see the appeal of prostate stuff, even if homosexuality itself is an abominable crime against nature and a sin against God. We staunchly believe that if a finger goes in there, it needs to be a finger belonging to someone of the opposite sex, and it should only take place within the bonds of matrimony.” Chick-fil-A also unveiled a new nationwide billboard campaign in which its famous cow mascots can be seen painting the message “Prostayt Orgazms R Mor N-tenze.”
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