Nation Forgets What It Was They Didn’t Like About O.J. Simpson

WASHINGTON—Saying they couldn’t remember exactly why they’d written off the talented, charismatic, and attractive celebrity, 340 million Americans confessed to reporters Tuesday that they had forgotten what it was they didn’t like about the late O.J. Simpson. “Huh, I always remember loving O.J., and I have no idea what could have happened to cause such an amazing athlete, actor, and TV personality to fall from grace,” said 56-year-old James Stafford, adding that he and every other citizen of the United States only had fond memories of watching Simpson play football for the University of Southern California and the Buffalo Bills, and star in movies like The Naked Gun. “It’s so strange. One minute, he’s this captivating, handsome, fun guy everyone knows and loves, and the next minute, we all suddenly hate him for some reason. I wonder what could have gone wrong. Did he not score enough when he played football? Or maybe one of his movies flopped?” At press time, Stafford and the rest of the nation had determined that whatever happened probably involved his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson, whom they always had a bad feeling about.