Ouch: New Female President Of Mexico Announces Plan To Give Cartels The Silent Treatment

MEXICO CITY — President-elect Claudia Sheinbaum, soon to be the first female president of Mexico, has announced her intentions to get tough on Mexican drug cartels by giving them all a brutal dose of The Silent Treatment if they do not immediately cease all drug trafficking.

Geo-political analysts have hailed Sheinbaum as “a strong, independent president that don’t need no military threats” and also say that this latest development in Mexico’s War on Drugs could prove to be a fatal blow to the thriving industry.

“I, president-elect Claudia Sheinbaum, pinky-promise-no-take-backs that I will definitely give the silent treatment as soon as I assume office if they do not stop all of their bad drug selling,” declared Sheinbaum as she arrantly tossed her ponytail. “I mean it now. Don’t even try me, baby girlie. Uh-uh. I will get you. Silent treatment all day, don’t you even!”

United States President Biden also supported President-elect Sheinbaum’s ultimatum: “That Spanish chick, you know, she’s gonna get them boys, don’t you worry, Jack!” Biden said in a press conference just before his daily nap. “Hunter’s all mopey again for some reason. REPEAT THE LINE. Drumpf!”

At publishing time, every single Mexican cartel had promised to stop all drug operations and surrender after President Sheinbaum had further threatened to block all of them on Instagram.

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Babylon Bee