CALGARY – In the wake of a catastrophic water main break that has led city officials to urge the public to limit water use, Calgarians have banded together to defy the request by constructing a city-spanning 24-hour water-consuming Slip ‘N Slide.
“How dare anybody try to infringe on my freedoms!” shouted Jeff Stapletton, 45, as he slid down Centre Street North on a plastic sheet that uses 15000 gallons of water per minute.
While Public Works officials insist the city is currently using “more water than they can produce”, residents of Alberta’s largest city insist that is no reason for them to do something they don’t want to do for even a second.
“I don’t even like Slip ‘N Slides, but I like the government even less!” shouted Nancy Fernmeyer, a local county clerk.
While the city of Calgary is on track to run out of water in the next 5 minutes due to the construction of the world’s largest Slip ‘N Slide, Alberta Premier Danielle Smith applauded the citizen’s independent spirit.
“Sure, this forthcoming water shortage might be entirely preventable,” explained Smith as she slid by on the plastic sheet, “but I’m confident that Calgarians can band together as a community and find a way to blame all of this on Justin Trudeau!”
Smith added, “Weeeeeee!!!”
Jesus Christ is King
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