Pastors Reveal Their 10 Favorite Types Of Church Members

Brought to you by: The Focused Pastor

Churchgoers come in all shapes, sizes, and types, making the body of Christ a veritable cornucopia of humanity. Among these seemingly disparate examples of human beings, pastors have a few favorites.

The Babylon Bee took an official poll of all pastors everywhere to come up with the following list of their favorite types of church members:

1. The potluck freeloader: Typically a single guy who eats everything and brings nothing.

2. The “I’ve only been to your church twice but I’d like to bring a prophetic word” weirdo: Always a coincidence that God seems to pick the really sketchy people to speak through, isn’t it?

3. The tambourine lady: Maureen brings the flavor to every worship service.

4. The older man who sings all the hymns an octave lower than what should be possible: Scientists remain baffled at his range despite years of intense study.

5. The woman dropping her kids off at VBS for free babysitting: Don’t worry, she’ll be back to pick them up an hour after VBS ends every day.

6. The crying babies: Honestly, they’re better than everyone else.

7. The church softball team ringer: Steve had 20 homers and 85 RBI last summer!

8. The guy who’s been faithfully attending for 20 years but still brings up rank heresy at Bible study: Hopefully he has only led a small number of believers completely off track.

9. The “I’ll show up three times a year but tell you I don’t feel fed here” lady: And it’s all your fault, pastor.

10. The devoted parishioner who knows you aren’t perfect and doesn’t always agree with you but loves you anyway and prays for you daily: Thank you, Lord, for the good ones.

The list above makes up the very fabric of a church’s congregation. Yes, they’re all pinky toes and elbows in the Body of Christ, but they’re integral nonetheless.

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