HOUSTON, TX — In what many are calling the “biggest advance of the 21st century,” official Buc-ee’s sources have confirmed that the legendary Texas-based gas station and convenience superstore chain will in fact be establishing a presence in space, the final frontier.
The new location will have over 1500 gas pumps, approximately 25,000 spotless, squeaky-clean restrooms, and occupy over 700,000 cubic feet of space.
“We look forward to spreading the blessings of superhumanly clean bathrooms, inexpensive fuel, and amazing snacks to Earth’s solar system, the Milky Way, and eventually the entire universe,” said Buc-ee’s spokesman Henry Chadson, as he munched on impossibly delicious candied cashews and a plate of beef brisket. “This is one small step for Buc-ee’s…and one glorious, immense, Texas-sized step for mankind.”
The announcement has been met with widespread popular approval, spontaneous block parties, and world peace. NASA applications and Google searches for “how to become an astronaut to get into the space Buc-ee’s” have skyrocketed.
At publishing time, the enterprise has become even more completely, totally awesome after Elon Musk stepped forward to volunteer SpaceX ships and crew to help build the Buc-ee’s.
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