Study Finds 80% Of Food Waste Result Of Half-Assed Chicken Wing Eating Technique

ROCHESTER, MN—Concluding the lack of skill was responsible for nearly 50 million tons of meat being discarded across the nation each year, a new study released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Minnesota Rochester found that over 80% of food waste resulted from half-assed chicken wing eating techniques. “Every day, Americans throw out enough edible protein to feed the rest of the world simply because they order a dozen chicken wings, take a few bites, and stop before they even get to the good stuff,” said study co-author Casey Evanson, a professor of agricultural economics, who noted that half the garbage dumped in U.S. landfills could be eliminated if people were educated about basic methods of breaking apart the bones of chicken wings and pulling out the last scraps of meat with their teeth. “According to our research, if Americans were willing to buckle down, get their hands dirty, and really suck the bones clean, we’d be able to cut our food waste down to little more than our unfinished tubs of ranch and blue cheese. But instead, people continue to just kind of sit there and nibble at the skin till the sauce is gone. And unfortunately, the earth is paying the price.” The study did include one note of optimism, observing that billions of tons of food waste had been kept from landfills by Americans really knowing their way around a baby back rib.