ROME — Following the recent defacement of yet another pride mural on a public street, Italian authorities have released a photo of a suspect dressed in white and driving an oddly-shaped, bullet-proof car.
According to the footage, the suspect drives what looks like a modified Mercedes-Benz with a raised covering for someone to stand and wave at crowds. In the videos, the suspect can be seen expertly doing doughnuts in the car to spell out Italian words that are very similar to “fagioli” pasta.
“We caught-a what-a look-a like the suspect with-a the camera!” said Italian officer Francesco Malizari. “He scream-a that mean word and drive-a the doughnuts! Very sad for the gay! Lots-a priests get-a real offended!”
Though some law enforcement officials raised suspicions that the suspect could be Pope Francis, the Vatican issued a stern denial. “Must be some other white-clad guy wearing a giant cross standing on the back of a Benz,” said spokesman Vitali Ferraro. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have more apologies to make on behalf of Pope Francis to the gays.”
At publishing time, sources passing by St. Peter’s Basilica reported someone stifling repeated fits of laughter.
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