Elon Musk assures users that hiding “likes” on X has nothing to do with the weird porn he likes, only election interference
SAN FRANCISCO – After X, formerly Twitter, announced yesterday that “likes” would now be privatized and hidden, owner Elon Musk assured users that the move had nothing to do with all the freaky porn stuff he likes, and was strictly for election interference only.
The tech mogul announced the decision on X yesterday, posting: “Important change: ‘Likes’ are now hidden, because there’s a presidential el(r)ection (haha) in five months and I want to make sure far-right posts are heavily boosted anonymously by bot farms, and not because I’m about to get all up in some sweet, sweet tentacle ‘vids.” He finished the post with a stream of eggplant and squid emojis and a single winky face.
X CEO Linda Yaccarino mirrored Musk’s words in a press conference last night, impressing upon the public the fact that, despite her boss’s eagerness to begin “liking” concerning amounts of posts featuring questionably youthful anime women engaging in butt stuff with multi-dicked monsters, the really important thing to focus on was hiding which politicians were secretly super into nazis.
“We want our users to feel safe liking what they like without fear of shame,” Yaccarino stated, after successfully distracting Musk away from the mic with a picture of himself as a furry getting a sensual massage from a sentient Tesla.
“And by ‘users’ I mean ‘prominent presidential candidates,’ and ‘what they like’ I mean ‘conspiracy theory posts about how Joe Biden is going to use Jewish space lasers to make your babies trans if you don’t vote Republican in the upcoming election.’”
Yaccarino added, “It’s a well-known fact that Elon purchased Twitter with Saudi and Chinese financial backing in order to neutralize its use as a political organizing tool. Any times that he has used it to like every tweet on an account devoted to graphic AI porn of Helen Mirren committing unspeakable acts on various Blues Clues characters is simply a coincidence, and none of the public’s business.”
Musk seemingly addressed the issue one more time at 3:35AM last night with a single tweet that read, “Democrats forcing your kids to be gay? Concerning. Not concerning? A cartoon SpaceX rocket having sex with Mars. Not that you can prove I just liked that post, though!”
At press time, Musk had just decided that he would be charging all X users $1000 a month to avoid being deepfaked into official Nazi political campaigns.
Comments are closed.