DAYTON, OH—A wave of nostalgia and dirty toilet water rushing over them, old classmates attending a reunion at Belhaven High School easily picked up right in the swirly where they had left off, sources reported Wednesday. “Wow, it’s wild how we can come together after all these years and immediately get back into dunking Brad Farnsworth’s head in the toilet like no time has passed at all,” said Nate Burnbaum, a sales manager and member of the school’s class of 1994, explaining that it felt “just like the old days” when he and his former wrestling buddies subdued Farnsworth, dragged him into the restroom, and forcibly shoved his head inside a piss-filled toilet before flushing. “To be honest, I was worried it would be awkward now that we’re all at a different place in our lives, but we just naturally fell into the rhythm of Farnsworth struggling to remove his head from the bowl but being unable to. It really took me back to hear him scream about how he didn’t want to get pink eye again.” According to reunion attendees, it felt even more as if nothing had changed after Farnsworth slashed his old classmate’s tires, threatened to kill himself, and had the cops called on him.
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