Steve Bannon has been ordered by a judge to report to prison by July 1 to serve a four-month sentence after he was convicted of acting in contempt of Congress. The Onion explains everything you need to know about the former Trump advisor and far-right figure potentially spending time behind bars.
- He can earn his GED: While only serving a four-month sentence, it is possible that if Bannon applies himself, he can get a high school diploma to improve his occupational prospects upon release.
- He was initially mistaken for prison food: Jail management at first thought Bannon was prison food due to his appearance and began to cut him before authorities stopped them.
- He’ll need to sign up to use the prison podcasting equipment just like everybody else: And if he chews on the microphone, he won’t be allowed to use it at all.
- He is guaranteed top bunk: Knowing a president has its perks.
- He died in 2021: He is still required to serve his full sentence.
- Conjugal visits are allowed: Hint, hint, America.
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