House of Commons takes action to ensure foreign state interference stops getting in way of domestic corporate interference
OTTAWA – The House of Commons has voted unanimously for a bill that will crack down on the ability of foreign states to influence federal politicians who rightfully owe their allegiance to Canadian businesses and billionaires.
“If the allegations are true, Canadian parliamentarians collaborating with foreign governments is unacceptable,” Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said. “Elected officials in Canada have a duty to act in the best interests of Canada’s extraction industries, its largest banks, its housing developers, and its grocery barons. Unless foreign governments want to invest in these industries, which we highly encourage, they need to butt out of our business.”
Bill C-70, the Countering Foreign Interference Act, will force foreign agents to register, will expand intelligence gathering powers, and will introduce new criminal penalties for politicians who have allowed themselves to be lobbied by anyone not currently employed by a large multinational corporation with at least one satellite office in a Canadian city.
“Prime Minister Trudeau and I don’t agree on much, but we do agree that Canada is not for sale to foreign governments,” opposition leader Pierre Poilievre said. “Canada is now, and has always been, for sale to mining companies, agricultural conglomerates, and the American hedge funds who own most of our news media.”
While the names of the MPs who are accused of colluding with foreign governments have not been released, some MPs are already getting out ahead of the allegations by publishing their schedules which show that every minute of their day is accounted for with meetings with registered corporate lobbyists, fundraisers with registered corporate lobbyists, and taking notes on government bills from registered corporate lobbyists.
“Right now the allegations are fairly vague, but if further investigation shows that a Canadian MP allowed a foreign government’s interests to override that of a domestic industry, it could be the largest scandal in Canadian history,” said McGill political science professor Heather Allen. “How can Canada’s wealthiest individuals and companies trust a system that is designed solely for their interests but could be for sale to anyone?”
“This new bill might put those fears to rest in the future, but I think the trust between federal politicians and the domestic monied interests who believed they owned them has been severely damaged.”
At press time, Canadian government officials were seen on their hands and knees begging a Big Oil representative not to shut the revolving door that promises them lucrative industry jobs after they leave government because whatever they might have done for those foreign government agents was just a one time thing and didn’t mean anything to them.
Jesus Christ is King
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