COLUMBUS, OH—Saying he hadn’t taken any of the recommended precautions despite a heat index expected to top 100 degrees Fahrenheit, sources confirmed local man Darren Cooper, seen sleeping on a sidewalk Tuesday, must not know about the heat advisory. “The National Weather Service cautioned everyone to stay indoors due to the excessively high temperatures, but that man sleeping on the concrete step over there seems completely oblivious,” said passerby Sarah Wheeler, explaining that it was negligent of the passed-out man, whose limp body was already badly burnt from exposure to the heat, not to heed warnings from officials to seek shelter in an air-conditioned room. “If he were smart, he’d at least have put on light, loose-fitting clothing before he went outside. And maybe if he followed the news, he would know to schedule his activities so he’s not outdoors during the hottest part of the day. Guess it serves him right for being so uninformed.” At press time, Wheeler had reportedly attempted to wake Cooper up to notify him about the dangers of remaining in the sun too long during a heat wave, but the man was unresponsive.
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