Canada: it’s that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let’s take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two countries:
Weights & Measures
Canada: Uses the metric system just like Communist Russia
USA: Measures everything in touchdowns per AR-15
Winner: USA
Free Speech
Canada: Can be jailed for misgendering non-binary people such as Justin Trudeau
USA: Jailing people for political reasons? Ha, that will never happen here.
Winner: USA
Healthcare
Canada: 7-month wait for free treatment, but unfortunately, the treatment is suicide
USA: 1-month wait to pay $500,000 so the doctor can give you an Advil
Winner: USA
Hockey
Canada: Invented hockey and still basically never wins the Stanley Cup
USA: Stole hockey from Canada along with all the good hockey players
Winner: USA
Leaders
Canada: Ruled by an oppressive dictator in blackface
USA: Ruled by an oppressive dictator with dementia
Winner: Draw
French people
Canada: Lots
USA: Legally banned from entering the country
Winner: USA
Weather
Canada: Cold
USA: Tornadoes, heat, hurricanes, cold, hot, whatever you like. A literal buffet of weather
Winner: USA
Population Density
Canada: Most people try to live as close to the US as possible
USA: Most people try to live as far away from Canada as possible
Winner: USA
Tourist Attractions
Canada: Snow?
USA: World’s largest rocking chair in Casey, Illinois
Winner: USA
Does your country have Texas?
Canada: No
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Guns
Canada: You can only have lame guns for hunting
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Food
Canada: Milk in a bag and deer jerky for every meal
USA: Milk in jugs as God intended, plus Golden Corral
Winner: USA
Government
Canada: Socialist
USA: Not socialist for another five or six years at least
Winner: USA
Well, there you have it. Looks like our fair and impartial analysis has definitively proved that the United States is better than Canada. Who knew?
Bob Boeing, the founder of Boeing, explains how the number 1 priority for the airline manufacturer is diversity.
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Babylon Bee
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