Canada: it’s that country up to the North. But is it any better than America? Let’s take a look at a comprehensive comparison of the two countries:
Weights & Measures
Canada: Uses the metric system just like Communist Russia
USA: Measures everything in touchdowns per AR-15
Winner: USA
Free Speech
Canada: Can be jailed for misgendering non-binary people such as Justin Trudeau
USA: Jailing people for political reasons? Ha, that will never happen here.
Winner: USA
Healthcare
Canada: 7-month wait for free treatment, but unfortunately, the treatment is suicide
USA: 1-month wait to pay $500,000 so the doctor can give you an Advil
Winner: USA
Hockey
Canada: Invented hockey and still basically never wins the Stanley Cup
USA: Stole hockey from Canada along with all the good hockey players
Winner: USA
Leaders
Canada: Ruled by an oppressive dictator in blackface
USA: Ruled by an oppressive dictator with dementia
Winner: Draw
French people
Canada: Lots
USA: Legally banned from entering the country
Winner: USA
Weather
Canada: Cold
USA: Tornadoes, heat, hurricanes, cold, hot, whatever you like. A literal buffet of weather
Winner: USA
Population Density
Canada: Most people try to live as close to the US as possible
USA: Most people try to live as far away from Canada as possible
Winner: USA
Tourist Attractions
Canada: Snow?
USA: World’s largest rocking chair in Casey, Illinois
Winner: USA
Does your country have Texas?
Canada: No
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Guns
Canada: You can only have lame guns for hunting
USA: Yes
Winner: USA
Food
Canada: Milk in a bag and deer jerky for every meal
USA: Milk in jugs as God intended, plus Golden Corral
Winner: USA
Government
Canada: Socialist
USA: Not socialist for another five or six years at least
Winner: USA
Well, there you have it. Looks like our fair and impartial analysis has definitively proved that the United States is better than Canada. Who knew?
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