Brought to you by: The Focused Pastor
Everyone knows that being a pastor is a great way to get into Heaven, but did you know that being a pastor can make your life super easy on earth as well?
The Babylon Bee painstakingly interviewed thousands of pastors to compile the following list of the ways ministers have it cushier than everyone else:
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You only work one hour per week: And if you speed up your delivery, you may even cut it down to 53 minutes.
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If you do anything wrong, someone will immediately tell you how to correct it: Thank you, Dolores!
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Your wife and kids are guaranteed to be perfect because you’re a pastor: Think about it, how many pastors’ kids have you ever known who turned out bad? Exactly.
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You’re no longer tempted by sin: It’s like the cheat code for the Christian life — Satan has to leave you alone because you’re a pastor.
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You get a phone with a direct line to God: An exclusive pastor perk!
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Pastors make literally hundreds of dollars per week: Rumor has it that some pastors can even make thousands of dollars per year.
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Free, totally unsolicited feedback on your sermons shows up in your e-mail every Monday: How nice!
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Get to show up to work in Hawaiian shirt and flip-flops: Non-denominational only.
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You always know the answer to every question about theology, church finances, solving marital problems, denominational disagreements, building repairs, raising kids, Hebrew translations, Church history, and anything else a parishioner might ask about: It’s just one of those things they teach you at seminary.
And to top it all off, pastors can rest comfortably with the knowledge that God will judge them by a higher standard when their lives on earth are over. Sweet gig!
NOT SATIRE: At Focus on the Family, we love pastors and appreciate the incredible work you do in ministry. And we understand the unique challenges you face — the constant demands, high expectations, and spiritual battles that can sometimes feel overwhelming and isolating. That’s why we want to invite you and your spouse to join us for The Focused Pastor Couples Conference, from October 28-30 at our headquarters in Colorado Springs.
This event has been thoughtfully designed with you and your spouse in mind, offering a much-needed opportunity to find refreshment, renewal, and encouragement amidst the challenges of ministry life.
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Babylon Bee
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