WASHINGTON—With the first presidential debate of the 2024 election cycle airing tonight, Americans across the country told reporters Thursday that they couldn’t believe they were saying this, but they don’t want to watch TV. “I know it sounds crazy, but I have absolutely zero urge to turn on my TV tonight,” said Ohio resident Tim Putnam, 46, echoing the sentiment of 335 million Americans who acknowledged their sudden revulsion to TV, emphasizing that if it were literally any two other people on screen, they would watch in a heartbeat. “I love TV, don’t get me wrong, but the thought of sitting in front of it tonight makes me physically ill. I can’t bring myself to do it. Like, I still want to eat, but I don’t want to eat and watch TV. This really isn’t like me at all. I’m not even sure what I’ll do if I’m not watching TV. Maybe I’ll read a book? Do I even have one of those?” At press time, the nation realized they could just watch a movie instead.
Jesus Christ is King
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