Eye Contact-Avoiding Biden Administration Still Hasn’t Said Word To Each Other Since Last Night

WASHINGTON—In the wake of what was widely viewed as a disastrous debate performance, eye contact-avoiding members of the Biden administration still haven’t said a word to each other since last night, sources confirmed Friday. According to sources, White House aides and advisors were seen averting their gaze as they wordlessly walked straight to their desks and stared at the black screens of their computers, unwilling to log on. Several reports indicated that, despite being an exceptionally busy work day in which members of the press were seeking comment on the president’s unexpectedly weak showing the night before, everyone in Biden’s orbit had sequestered themselves away from others and turned their phones off in order to avoid calls. At press time, the silence was finally broken by Biden’s pained moaning.