WASHINGTON—Shedding new light on your failure to achieve financial success, the Brookings Institution released a new report Monday finding that disgraced former civil rights activist Rachel Dolezal has a higher net worth than you. “Our research shows that despite the 50-plus hours of hard work you put in every week, this white woman who infamously claimed to be Black has a net worth nearly 10 times your own,” said researcher William Katzman, whose 165-page report found that the onetime college instructor and NAACP leader who has since changed her name to Nkechi Diallo was outpacing you in virtually all financial metrics, including retirement savings, cash flow, and credit score. “What you make in a week is about the same as what she makes in a single afternoon filming Cameos from her sofa. She has multiple children too, and you know that’s not cheap. Unfortunately, we found that unlike her, you will never be financially stable enough to start a family.” At press time, a devastating follow-up report had found that Dolezal was also happier than you.
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