Jesus' Coming Back

America Celebrates Fourth Of July

Citizens across America are having barbecues and setting off fireworks to celebrate the Fourth of July, the nation’s independence day. What are you doing to celebrate?

“Blowing off three fingers in a vain attempt to impress my girlfriend’s kid.”

Huxley Pollard, Cathedral Roofer

“I’m having a big party with some of my closest guns.”

Leah Pierce, Storm Chaser

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“Probably jerk off and eat hot dogs like any other Thursday.”

Terrence Carey, systems analyst

The Onion

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