NEWTON, MA—Saying the role player’s peanut intolerance had pulled them entirely out of the fantasy experience, sources confirmed Monday that LARPer Gabe Collins’ food allergies were ruining their sense of immersion. “It’s obviously a serious condition, but it’s kind of hard to imagine myself as a chivalrous squire in Castle Arzendale when Gabe keeps wheezing and saying he needs a break to catch his breath,” said participant Derek Kling, explaining that an EpiPen simply wouldn’t have existed in the European medieval world that their high-fantasy role play was based upon. “We already gave him a polyester cape because he said the wool one was causing him to break out. It would be nice if he at least did us the favor of hiding his inhaler in his cloak or something. But it’s like he doesn’t even care about staying in character. Plus, if you’re a mage like Gabe, you could probably just cast a protective enchantment that removes any allergies from your body. Obviously, that’s not how it works, but squaring all of this in my head is making it impossible to enjoy myself.” At press time, the LARPers were reportedly pleased after Collins had apparently decided to commit to the experience by collapsing to the ground after being hit by a spell and then lying very still.
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