WALTHAM, MA—Heeding his supervisor’s order to get rid of the excess newborn mechanical quadrupeds, tearful Boston Dynamics engineer Leon Rosoff was forced Monday to drown several unwanted robot puppies. “I’m so sorry, little robofellas, but we don’t have the funding to maintain all of you,” said a sniffling Rosoff, who quivered as he plunged the infant canine droids into a bathtub and watched the bolts of electricity from their short-circuiting bodies spread through the water. “Now be good little boys and get in the burlap sack. There’s nothing to be afraid of. Goodbye, Sparky—I’ll miss you. Please don’t fight it, please. You’re making it harder for us both.” At press time, an inconsolable Rosoff had reportedly taken time off work to recover from having been electrocuted by the dying robot puppies.
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